So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
