her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we have pet lesbian snakes
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
