I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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