Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
