Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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