she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
