Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
