Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
