I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
