Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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