need another drink. this is the easiest way
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Can I color on your dick again?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
