She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
