I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
