i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
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