Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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