Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
