how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
