I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
high people should be assigned attendants
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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