Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
