so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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