Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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