Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
