a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
