Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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