i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
