I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Life is so much better after having sex.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
