That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize