In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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