I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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