They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
