and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
