You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize