we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
jump out the window naked night went bad
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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