Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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