You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
