Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
