Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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