I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
