Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
