Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
