I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
