Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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