I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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