Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
