you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just found puke in my bra..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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