Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
