ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
