I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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