$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She told me I should be a condom model.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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