im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Less talking, more tequila
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
