I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize