I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
