How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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