i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When are your genitals available?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
