I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
