oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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