Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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