We need to rekindle our bromance
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have aggressive nipples.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
