I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
