So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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