i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
