This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
