the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
