i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
