I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
