Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
