I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize