we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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