Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
