so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
