He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
